Asking Naomi Klein about her thoughts on the deeper issues of climate change...

http://www.climateoutreach.org.uk/past-events/

Check out Naomi Klein's response to my question (at 1hr 15 mins and 15 seconds) about the inherent issues that underpin capitalism and consumption which she alludes to in her book 'This Changes Everything'.

I mention the 'Mindfulness and Climate Action' series which One Earth Sangha is running for 5 weeks and is an opportunity to explore the connection between the two. 
http://www.oneearthsangha.org/

I'll keep my blog posted with what comes from that!

Nancy Klein on Helping Peope to Think Better

Who – might we ask – is thinking?

“The quality of everything we do, everything, depends on the quality of the thinking we do first.”[i]

So who is doing the thinking in our organizations? How many of us? And could we think better? There is plenty said about organizational learning in our sector, but Nancy Klein, author of Time to Think and More Time to Think, gives us a new perspective to consider. She challenges organizations to think about how we help people think for themselves and create environments where we can do our best thinking. With the multitude of global challenges we face, can we afford not to?

She proposes 10 components that make for a productive thinking environment. It’s not rocket science – most good ideas aren’t – but how do our organizations in the development sector shape up?

1. Attention: How well would you think if you knew you weren’t going to be interrupted? Klein argues that when a person knows they are about to be interrupted, or that the other clearly wants to speak, their thinking slows down. We need to get interested and place our attention on three things: the content of what someone is saying, our reaction to it, and the thinking environment we are creating. All three need our attention. Are you listening to reply or listening to help ignite the others thinking?

2.  Equality: Do we really believe in being thinking equals? Klein proposes this analogy: if each person’s mind cost £1 million, then would you only have three brains on full, and 7 at low capacity? Of course not, and yet how much do we value everyone’s thinking in practice? As professionals, we feel justified and perhaps even obliged to think better than others – what else are we being paid for? Yet studies show that when people seek advice or support, they want to be asked what they think, who they are, and what matters to them. We need to regard them as equal and show them that regard by giving them equal time and equal attention.

3. Ease: Klein reminds us that rushing kills creativity. In the developed world, we tend to make assumptions that rushing = important; tense = focused; and pressured = alive. What about being at ease as opposed to dis-eased? Ease = quality. Giving full attention, and being at ease are great conditions for high quality thinking. We spend time learning how to use tools like the SWOT. What about learning about being at ease? People want to feel it, and people want to be around it. Perhaps this accounts for the interest in mindfulness these days. If this is how to get the best thinking out of people, is it not worth investing in?

4. Appreciation: Neuro-imaging has shown that appreciative thoughts and feelings help blood flow to the brain and stabilize the heart. Apparently the best appreciation to criticism to motivate and support creativity is 5:1. We all know it feels good to be appreciated so how can we factor more of this into our daily interactions?

5. En-couragement: “What would happen if we build people’s courage to go to the unexplored edge of their ideas by eliminating competition between thinkers?” Klein warns that being ‘better than’ is NOT always a good thing because what you are ‘better at’ could be not particularly good in the first place. Creative thinking needs trust to not be judged. Competition often leads to not listening for very long, and then not proposing adventurous solutions. We get energy from being able to be ourselves – and use our minds – rather than always trying to be better than.

6. Information: Denial of what is true is dangerous. Distortion (e.g. it happened but it wasn’t that bad) is similarly concerning. And even more scary is when denial leads to events and facts being rewritten and what is ‘bad’ somehow seems ‘good’. Klein argues that thinking dies in denial and information resurrects it. We need to supply facts and accurate information to aid good quality thinking.

7. Feelings: Someone said to me recently that ‘emotional intelligence’ was really big over 10 years ago. How is it that a fundamental aspect of human intelligence is no longer ‘en vogue’? How we feel, and how we manage our feelings, has a critical effect on how well we think individually and collectively. Fear constricts thinking; strong feelings can make our heads foggy. Kindness, clarity, ease, genuine interest, and not apologizing for emotions when they arise, can help our minds do better thinking.

8. Diversity: Reality is diverse, yet in society untrue assumptions about people’s identity (age, race, gender, nationality etc) limits our thinking and our collective progress. Too often we objectify people and see them as ‘other’, and even in the extreme, as less human. We play lip service to diversity that in reality means, ‘we value diversity as long as you think, act and feel like we do’. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting others to think like we do or thinking like others as it will please them. The objective needs to be to encourage everyone’s  finest thinking and accept and make the most of the diversity that comes from that.

9. Incisive questions: Untrue assumptions play a huge role in the quality of our thinking. Asking incisive questions can help work through them: what are we assuming? Is it true? What is true? And if you know that to be true, how can you move forward?

10. Place: Physical environments that say that someone matters will help them think better. What sort of environment are we creating for ourselves and others to think in? And what about our bodies? They are an important factor in the quality of our thinking. If you are healthy, guilt free, not in denial, showing respect to it – then the thinking is likely to be better.

So how can these components of the thinking environment be integrated into the way we work so that we give each other a framework within which to generate our own ideas? In ‘Time to Think’ various activities are explained in depth that can support better thinking. Here is a brief summary of the some of the main activities:

1. Thinking partnerships: Thinking partnerships (two people) are a form of coaching where a ‘thinking goal’ is set for the session and then a structure is followed to help to break down untrue assumptions, replace them with liberating ones, and use incisive questions where necessary to move towards the goal. The thinking environment described above is created throughout. Questions like: What assumptions are stopping you from achieving X? Is it true? What is true instead? And if you believed that to be true, what would you do?

2.  Time to think mentoring process: This combines elements of the structure used in thinking partnership, with the addition that the mentee can interview the mentor and the strong held belief that ‘the mind of the mentee matters most’.

3. Group thinking environments: How much better would we think as a group if we genuinely felt empowered to think for ourselves, able to make mistakes, at ease with ourselves, listened to, encouraged? Speaking in rounds helps with this, where everyone is given a chance, and equal time to speak – uninterrupted. 

“People are sucked in by the flipchart. They act as if it is about to say something profound. It isn’t!”

At meetings, Klein suggests the following ways to create better thinking environment in meetings:

·         put agenda items as questions and send them round in advance (differentiate between when we need a decision, a new idea, consider implications, need updates). This gets people thinking right from the star;

·         don’t use powerpoint or flipchart unless using visuals (or max of 5 slides if necessary) – these tools don’t have brain and they take our attention away from the person talking;

·         do an unbroken round to get everyone’s thinking;

·         have an open discussion where interruption is not allowed; ask further probing questions and do another round;

·         use dialogue pairs to generate more ideas – again without interrupting and only feedback best, freshest ideas;

·         summarise, make decisions and agree next steps.

6. Time to think councils: This is similar to the above except that the aim is to get everyone’s views whilst the individual needing the council is still able to think independently. The idea is for the presenter to have around 10 mins to share the issue, and their thoughts around it (uninterrupted) and then to use rounds to get everyone’s thinking around the particular question and then for the presenter to summarize.  

What can we take away from this approach?

Again, this doesn’t seem like rocket science – we have all been at training courses where we learn about active listening, and good communication skills. What Klein argues is that it is not enough to pay lip service to these things. Setting up activities to encourage thinking may seem to take longer, or be too structured to suit everyone, but in her experience, it saves time in the long run. How many wasted ideas aren’t heard? How much talk happens after meetings when people need to find a channel to share their thoughts and feelings with someone? How many ideas fail or take longer than expected and perhaps could have been better thought through from the start?

If you are interested in the ideas here, then I highly recommend, ‘More time to think’ by Nancy Klein. She puts people – with their incredible capacity to think and be creative - at the centre, and shares a wealth of wisdom about how we can support others to think for themselves.

---

[i] Klein, N., More Time to Think,

Social media vs face to face: communicating mindfulness and mindful communication

It's been a while since I've felt like blogging, tweeting, 'Facebooking' and reflecting on this lately, it occurs to me that I have been highly engaged in mindfulness over the last few months but I'm having a particular aversion to social media. What sets it apart from good old face to face?

There seem to be three main reasons: it's not making me happy and I'm not engaging with it mindfully; I feel overwhelmed and 'behind' with all of the things I should know about; and the connections aren't inspiring me or driving action in the same way as meeting people.

On my mindfulness teacher retreat in November I realized how much checking Facebook, twitter and the news before going to sleep was a craving for stimulation. I wasn't using it to engage, I was using it to disengage from what felt like empty moments in my life. But checking social media wasn't making me happier.

Social media is easy to access, and in many ways addictive but it can also be overwhelming and often make me feel like I'm 'behind'. Initially I might feel a curiosity or desire to keep up to date - paricularly with what is happening in the mindfulness movement. However, if a deeper or hidden driver is to fill a time gap, or crave stimulation, rather than search for key information, then the sheer volume of information I am presented with can bring out all sorts of inner critic comments.

At the same time as slowly disengaging from social media, I've been fortunate enough to meet some really wonderful, inspiring people in the last few months who are engaged or interested in mindfulness. The feeling towards them could not be more different. The intention around spending time with them is one of genuine curiosity and intrigue. The information we share is mutual and therefore stimulating, using all of the senses, as you take in words, gestures, facial expressions. It's a conversation, with limits to how much you can discuss, and a sequence that has some sense of flow. Finally, the shared sense of commitment and enthusiasm creates an energy that fills me with hope that I can make a difference with the mutual support, help and encouragement of others.

I know there is a place for social media in my life, and for the movement. I think it is just about being honest about whether and when it is the best thing for you. My intention over the coming few months is: 1) to have more of a goal in accessing social media - perhaps looking for certain things and for a particular purpose; 2) to be more conscious of when I engage with it and for how long; 3) to recognise my mood and what the affect or potential affect that will have on how I take in and engage with the information; and 4) wherever possible, to have face to face conversations instead.

In my next post, I will summarise the books, papers, videos and articles I have read since I last blogged. The one thing about social media which still draws me in is being able to share with those who may be engaging or want to engage in mindfulness and might find these resources useful. So I'm just doing it for you really ;)

An interesting perspective on death

Epicurus (342-271 BC) had this to say:

"Get used to the idea that Death should not matter to us, for good and evil are on sensation. Death, however, is the cessation of all sensation. Hence, Death, obstensibly the most terrifying of all evils, has no meaning for us, for as long as we exist, Death will not be present. When Death comes, then we will no longer be in existence."

Impact of the habits of our minds

"Some of the worst things in my life never happened."

Mark Twain

Who has the power? Dominating thoughts don't have to win

Joseph Goldstein says, "The very fact that we are not very aware of our thoughts and how they come into being allows them to dominate our lives...Mindfulness breaks the grip our thoughts have on us, allowing us to more often choose whether to act on them or not."

One meditaters comments on the benefits of meditation

When asked what the benefits of meditation are - what better to hear than someone's experience:

"The practical elements of mindfulness - as in the meditation - is very useful and grounding. Doing it everyday makes it a lot easier to apply the learnings from meditation to every day life. Particularly the case of the meditation called 'exploring difficulties'. I found it very difficult to do this meditation well while actually meditating but it was very useful when I was actually experiencing a difficulty in real life. As soon as I started to the Exploring Difficulty meditation and it really cut through the tendency to spiral and helped the emotion to dissipate. Even though I was only being aware of the feeling and not trying to make it go away. It just meant that I was left with the issue at hand and not the layers upon layers of thinking that I'd added to it."

Anonymous meditator

'What is meditation?'.- 5 minute explanation

I had a dollar for every time someone asked me what meditation is!

I always struggle to sum it up in 5 mins so here is someone (Mingyur Rinpoche) who can.

What is the link between 'Mindfulness' and NGOs (international development)?

Mindfulness is starting to become a buzz word in NGOs and more and more NGOs are including mindfulness in courses on leadership/management and stress management. Some organisations are exploring running mindfulness courses to increase effectiveness and improve emotional intelligence.

Mindfulness is starting to be introduced to the workplace across many sectors - from health to large international corporations. But what is particular about exploring mindfulness within the NGO sector? What is the appeal? What are the potential benefits? What are the risks of this movement?

Mindfulness, Organisational Integrity and Values
International development organisations often if not always have values around openness and transparency, accountability to donors and beneficiaries, equality regardless of race, religion, gender, creed. Mindfulness helps individuals to cultivate non-judgement. It also helps people to have more of a sense of common humanity and their impact on others. Mindfulness helps cultivate an attitude of 'approach' rather than 'avoidance' of difficulties. In a sector where difficulties and challenges are constantly being faced, an 'approach' attitude is vital. Compassion, kindness and balance are also qualities which are cultivated during mindfulness practices.

Mindfulness and Stress and burn out
'Mindfulness for NGOs is keeping aid workers sane in some of the world's worst disaster areas.' Alessandra Pigni is delivering mindfulness courses specifically for humanitarian workers who face extremely difficult working and living conditions. http://www.mindful.org/news/mindfulness-brings-relief-to-humanitarian-workers

Being able to manage stress is important in any sector - but particularly one where funding for work is tight, and absence or ineffectiveness due to stress has a significant knock on effect to the quality and quantity of support given to beneficiaries. Stress can both be avoided and managed with the help of mindfulness.

Mindfulness and organisational development
Mindfulness encourages us to be aware of our 'intention'. What is it that is driving us? This is a key question for organisations when forming vision, missions and strategic planning processes. Arguably mindfulness is already implicit in various tools and frameworks used in organisational development. 'Theory U' for example (developed by Otto Scharmer and others) seems to be grounded in mindfulness principles such as: 'letting go' of expectations; non-attachment to 'the way things should be'; connecting with and exploring people's deeper motivations and attitudes.

Mindfulness and capacity building
Learning requires us to pay attention. Mindfulness has been shown to improve concentration, extend attention span and improve one's ability to hold and manipulate information. Ultimately, capacity building is about learning, behavioural change and organisational effectiveness. Mindfulness is important for awareness of how things are. In order to get to where you are going, it is important to know where you are starting. Mindfulness helps people to work more consciously and less on auto-pilot.

Rick James recently wrote a blog about some of the challenges of capacity development which he related to people's inherent vices - pride, greed, envy, gluttony - http://www.intrac.org/blog.php/35/vices-and-virtues-in-capacity-development.

He argued that these could be countered by focusing on our virtues:

Humility: Modest behaviour, selflessness, giving respect – opposes pride

Compassion: Kindness, contentment, satisfaction - opposes envy

Patience: forbearance, peace, ability to forgive – opposes wrath

Determination: Diligence, passion, courage - opposes sloth

Generosity: Sacrifice – opposes greed

Self-control: Mindfulness of other, temperance – opposes gluttony

Honesty: Openness, purity – opposes lust

Building awareness (through being more mindful) of when our vices arise, and choosing not to be driven by them, is something that takes time but is possible.

Mindfulness and performance management
Self awareness is an important part of being able to effectively manage your own performance, identify and accept development areas, and maximise the use of strengthens. Strong communication skills are important in giving receiving and feedback. Communication is more effective if you can actively listen, read body language and understand non-verbal communication cues.

Performing effectively is often a balance between the level of challenge and the person's resources or abilities to meet those challenges. When the level of challenge is right, the person can enter a flow state (not too stressed, and not lacking in stimulation). Star performers in organisations often have high levels of emotional intelligence which can be cultivated through mindfulness.

Mindfulness can help us be aware of some of the thought patterns which can prevent us from seeing things clearly such as overgeneralising, judging, expecting perfection, eternalising (I'll never be able to do this), mind reading, assigning blame to self or others in an unbalanced way.

Mindfulness and leadership and management
The most effective leaders and managers have strong emotional intelligence skills. They not only know their field well and are effective visionaries and decision makers but they also have high interpersonal skills. They usually have more self-awareness, situational awareness and emotional regulation - all of which can be cultivated through mindfulness. Leaders build trust when they are authentic and their values and beliefs are aligned with their behaviours and decisions. Through seeing situations clearly - as they are - better decisions can be made. Mindfulness also helps to cultivate creativity.

Notes from book called 'Emotional Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman

I’ve typed up notes I made when reading this book and then organized the points under the following questions. This is a long post and really only for those who have an interest in this topic and want to read a summary of the whole book. 

The main points covered in the book fall under these questions:

- What is emotional intelligence?

- Why is emotional intelligence importance in the workplace?

- What is the link between emotional intelligence and children (parenting, schooling)?

- What is the psychology and science behind various psychological states? What are some of the key emotional difficulties people face?

- What is the science behind emotional intelligence (biologically and neuroscientifically)?

What is emotional intelligence?

·         Emotional intelligence = being able to motivate oneself; persist in face of frustration; control impulse; delay gratification; regulate mood; keep stress from swamping thinking; self awareness; managing emotions; recognizing emotions; handling relationships.

·         Emotional intelligence can be learned and improved

·         High IQ doesn’t = unhappiness or success.

·         Evolution has not caught up with the times we live in. Emotions can override rational judgement. The stronger the emotion, the more likely to make rational ineffectual. The two interact and affect each other.

·         Language – ‘emotion’ means ‘movere’ (to move) and the ‘e’ connotes move away. This suggests that to act is implicit in every emotion.

Why is emotional intelligence importance in the workplace?

·         Workplace are putting premium on ‘on the job’ success

·         Guide to effective feedback at work: Be specific; offer solution; be present; be kind. Guide to receiving – don’t take it as a personal attack; take responsibility where you can rather than getting defensive; ask to resume the meeting later if you need time to digest.

·         Prejudice or bias is not trivial and needs to challenged straight away so tacit consent is given. Diversity courses should include perspective taking – telling from the other side so people realize what damage it does.

·         By end of 2100 - 1/3 of workforce will be knowledge workers ie. Adding value to information.

·         Groups have a collective IQ and the group cannot be smarter than the sum but it can be dumber if talents not maximized. People too eager can be a drag on the group.  Too domineering.

·         Most important was groups internal harmony – more friction leads to not maximizing talents of particularly good people – when lots of social or emotional static – people cannot do their best.

·         Being able to work in formal networks helps determine on the job success

·         Rapport with key network of people; cultivating good relationships with those that might be needed; informal networking key for handling unexpected problems

·         Social ties strengthen when people communicate, then solidify into stable networks

·         Highly adaptive, informal networks work more diagonally and elliptically to get things done

·         3 varieties of informal networks: who you talk to; experts; and those you trust. Stars have thick networks in all three areas.

·         Stars co-ordinate team work; they are leaders in building consensus; seeing things from another perspective; persuasiveness; taking initiative; self management.

·         State of flow – Mihaly Csikszentmihaly- when emotions are contained and chanelled, energized and aligned on the task at hand. Being absorbed in the task,.  Unconscious of self. It might be slightly taxing but there is harmony between anxiety and demand of the task. Howard Gardner sees this important for children – its important for them to know what they like to learn and how they like to learn so that they can get into a flow.

What is the link between emotional intelligence and children (parenting, schooling)?

·         Childhood is key to setting emotional habits. Massive survey shows that trend is for kids to be more emotionally challenged than ever before. Emotional intelligence needs to be taught at school.

·         Howard Gardner done a lot of stuff on multiple intelligence theory – there is more than the standard intelligences tested on standard IQ tests and tested at school (reading, writing, arithmetic) and we should embrace all of the intelligences that children have.

·         The marshmallow test – 4 years old are offered a marshmallow but they get 2 if they wait 20 mins – they can have 2. Those that managed to got better SAT scores at 12. ‘goal orientated, self imposed delay of gratification’. This ability helps in later life to succeed.

·         We are born with temperament but these can be shaped by parenting etc.

·         The programme for kids on anger management has a lot of mindfulness in it.

·         Studies have shown that girls with eating disorders have less ability to tell the difference between feelings and control them.

·         Emotional learning was done 2^nd and 3^rd graders and they ended up being middle of their class socially instead of outcasts. They learnt how to make playing games more enjoyable.

·         Self science classes, or social development or social and emotional learning are growing in popularity in schools. This is not affective learning which uses emotion to help learning but it is actually affecting learning itself  - ie learning about the emotions and how they are dealt with

·         Emotional learning is done over time – it is about neural habits. It is better when done in school, community and at home.

·         SOCS stands for situation, options, consequences and solutions. It is something that is used with teenagers when trying to teach them to deal with things better.

·         Family life is first schooling for emotional learning. We learn how to feel about ourselves; how others will react to our learning; how to think about feelings and what choices we have; and how to read  and express our hopes and fears. They learning this by how parents are with them and they are with each other.

What is the psychology and science behind various psychological states? What are some of the key emotional difficulties people face?

·         We can’t control having emotion but we can control how long we have them

·         One of the challenges is dealing with everyday bad moods – not the ones you medicate or see the psychiatrist about but just bog standard daily mood shift

·         What matters is whether negative thoughts are followed by a cycle of others

·         Anger is seductive – energizing – can fuel self righteous thoughts – quick release catecholomines

·         Anger usually physical threat – threat to self esteem, dignity, being treated rudely

·         Second thing that happens is an amygdala driven release through adrenocortical branch of nervous system which create tonic background of readiness which can last for hours of days.

·         Anger builds on anger and every thought or event releases more catecholomines. The earlier the cycle stops the better. If already in a rage then attempts to mitigate fail as the person is cognitively incapacitated. It helps to cool off physiologically and take a break where anger wont be triggered – exercise, being alone, driving etc can help to shift to a low arousal state. Reading or teaching can stop the train of thoughts – but not eating. Self awareness can help us as long as we are not in rage.

·         Venting doesn’t have prove helpful in tests unless it helps to change situation

·         Worry is the rehearsal of what might go wrong and how to deal with it (create positive solutions, anticipates dangers). In excess though it is uncontrollable, steady hum of anxiety, impervious to reason).

·         It can help to shift attention off thoughts but worriers often don’t want to as they feel attached to worrying as a way of solving problem but worrying is not effective so ends up being rumination in danger itself. The key is that worrying gets the credit for averting the danger (as usually about things that are unlikely to happen. To help chronic worry 1) awareness of thoughts and physical response; 2) relaxation; 3) healthy skepticism as early in the process as possible (practice relaxation everyday) – it helps if it is not chronic e.g. a phobia

·         In depression, people worry about being depressed which makes it worse

·         Behaviour therapy helps the brain to relearn – literally it changes the function of the brain over a period of time – e.g. people with OCT to keep doing action like going to the sink without washing their hands and talking about their fears.

·         Mood heavily affects thoughts – some thoughts are linked to mood and are heavily wired and harder to suppress.

·         Worrying reduces ability to learn or carry out tasks effectively. Worry takes up attention so it becomes self fulfilling to do less well.

·         Some anxiety at the right level helps to improve performance as it motivates the person to prepare (called hypomania – mildly elated state).

·         Laughter can help with creativity and problem solving.

·         Memory is state specific so when in a good mood we are more likely to remember good things.

·         Hope is significant in predicting success. Hope is believing you have both the will and the way to accomplish your goals.

·         Optimists see failure as something that can be rectified next time. Pessimists see failure as something wrong with them. Optimists more likely to learn and try again.

·         Self-efficacy – believing one has mastery over their life and can meet challenges.

·         People’s beliefs about their abilities has a profound effect on them.

·         Emotions can be contagious – partly due to motormimicry where we copy the visual cues of the other. The transfer is from the one who is more forceful is showing their emotion. Politicians and evangelists work to entrain the feeling in the audience. Emotional entrainment is at the heart of influence.

·         Social chameleons can copy the emotions of others to be loved rather than be true to themselves.

·         Women are more emotional – they feel range more and with more intensity. Men learn to minimize emotions to do with guilt, fear, and vulnerability.

·         The way couples talk about their problems is more important than the problems themselves.

·         Flooding is when a person is highly susceptible to emotional distress and anything can trigger it. Men stonewall to avoid this. Women want to talk about it. One option in arguments is to call time and count heartbeats to check in with emotions. Doing something else for 20 mins helps to calm down. Helps to watch thoughts and not just take them as truth. Could look for evidence to refute them rather than getting carried away with thoughts.

·         To help people learn after PTSD they help people to  understand that the way they feel is part of the PTSD so they need to understand it better and understand how they feel inside which people often feel they have lost control of – they make them mindful of emotions and thoughts.

·         Second part of relearning is retelling what happened at a pace that they are ready to which needs to be bearable.

·         In psychotherapy where you learn to build a new relationship into an event they have shown that there is likely ot be still be a trigger but the response to the trigger is better, quicker , more helpful. The trigger often doesn’t go away. They did tests on babies to show that those that cried show more reactivity – right side of the  brain when mum left the room and those that didn’t more in the left. AS positive outlook is more associated with left prefrontal lobe.

What is the science behind emotional intelligence (biologically and neuroscientifically)?

·         Biology – the top of the spinal chord is oldest part of the brain – a rudimentary sense of smell came first. The limbic system is where emotion is stored. Limbic = limbus (ring shaped). Neo-cortex = thinking part. The neocortex associated with mothering young (reptiles have no neo cortext and young are left to fend for themselves)

·         Science – fear = blood to large muscles; anger = blood to hands; happiness = inhibit negative feeling – increase in energy – rest and readiness; surprise = raised eyebrows to take into more information; sadness = slower metabolism, energy (potentially keeps people nearer home where they can be safer)

·         We have two amygdale and they are important for the emotional memory, personal meaning, recognition of feeling. Tears are triggered by the amygdala. Being stoked, held soothes are tears. The amygdala can respond faster than neocortex. Triggers fight and flight hormones. Send commands across the brain. Neural pathways (what eyes, ears take in) – goes first to the thalamus then there is a circuit to the amygdala then to the neocortex. It doesn’t go direct to the neocortex so it means that we start preparing the response before we process life in the rational mind. We can also store a memory of this in the amygdala so we can react again like that in the future without thinking with the neocortex (only small part of the response goes to the amygdala but this is key). Other experiments show that along with receiving information unconsciously (something coming in to our attention before we realize it) – we also decide whether we like it or not ‘cognitive unconscious’.

·         Hippocampus is associated with providing context, significance, perceptual patterns,  and providing emotional meaning e.g. it recognizes differing significance of bear in the zoo than in the backyard. Hippocampus = dry fear. Amygdala = emotion.

·         Memory – we remember high emotion moments like death of Diana because of imprint on emotional memory which involves the amygdala.  The brain has two memories: facts and emotional . Triggered by similar experience – there are sloppy connections. And many are made early in life. The hippocampus is crucial for narrative memory, the amygdala for whether memory has emotional valence. But amygdala is formed quicker in early life than the hippocampus. We may not have words or stories for why we feel these emotions because some are laid down in early childhood.

·         Normally prefrontal lobes determine the emotional response. They make sense of things and are the seat of planning. A lobotomy on prefrontal lobes used to be done to stop people being in emotional distress but it cut off all emotion. Left prefrontal lobes – neural thermostat – it regulates negativity on right side.

·         Pre frontal lobes are responsible for working memory. Connections between limbic brain and pre-frontal cortex can affect ability to learn as ‘neural static’ can happen making you feel like you cant think straight. 

·         Emotional trigger is important so without it, we can trouble making decisions. It is balance between reason and emotion and working with this balance is emotional intelligence. 

Gotcha: Being Caught Out

It's a horrible feeling when you feel like you are going to get 'caught out' - when someone will discover that don't know what you are doing, or that you can't do the job, or that you really don't look like this when you wake up in the morning...

This feeling of "What will happen when they know 'the truth'?" comes to many people and for many different reasons but essentially I can imagine that feeling of anxiety that you are having to 'blag it' or 'fake it' or 'hide it' is similar regardless. I often hear this when friends of mine start new jobs or get into a new relationship. It can be terrifying!

It is a nauseating feeling - usually brought on by a healthy influx of self-doubt or criticism. Of course, quite often, things are not that bad and 'the truth' is either not true or is much less true than we fear it to be. But our crafty minds can make it feel very real and very true nonetheless.

Sometimes, what we need is actually help from others but this means admitting 'the truth' or more accurately - admitting or talking through these deep vulnerabilities. This might involve: asking a question that we feel will be stupid; asking for feedback which we feel will highlight a weakness; saying we don't know something; saying we can't do something; saying we need support or help. All of which can feel impossible to contemplate. As Brene Brown says - whose TED talk I wrote about in a previous post - shame derives its power from being unspeakable and as we get older, we learn how to 'shame' ourselves on our own (we don't need parents or teachers to 'shame' us - we do it to ourselves!). So we soldier on.

The alternative is to let ourselves be vulnerable and for this not to be seen as a weakness. Instead, it is us being authentic, real, honest, HUMAN! Yes, this means potentially giving up some of the control of what happens next - we might get hurt, we might not succeed, we might not get the reaction we want, but we usually don't have as much control as we think we do when we are blagging, hiding or faking anyway and it can be exhausting and make us feel worse.

Talking about what makes us feel vulnerable - can help us to sense check our beliefs. Sometimes saying things out loud helps us realise that they aren't completely true and/or it can help us to have some ideas about how to manage these thoughts and feelings. Talking about them with someone can also help us work through them more objectively and clearly. Of course - as a slight aside - it is important to find the right person to share our vulnerabilities with and to do it sincerely (not for attention). Sharing vulnerability helps to build trust with someone else and building trust can help us to share more vulnerabilities.

Brene Brown talks about how being vulnerable is not knowing the answer, not being 100% certain, not being able to control, not being able to protect our emotions, accepting hard truths, trying something even though it may fail, risking hearing something we don't want to hear, being ourselves despite of our fears. She argues that working through vulnerability is what leads to feeling connected with others, being creative, innovative, feeling whole, feeling compassion. It is what we should be teaching our children, it is how we should be leading others and is the key to healthier relationships and meaningful lives.

Recently I had a 'caught out' moment - an actual one. Where someone said the thing I most feared hearing about myself. When the dreaded moment came of being 'caught out', I immediately choked inside and hid in the loo. After a short cry, I put my attention into my body to feel the sensations (a good mindfulness technique for dealing with difficult emotions) and I felt upset in my stomach and in my eyes but I also noticed that the feeling seemed less bad than I had felt before from simply worrying about being 'caught out'. I became aware of my thinking and watched it go round and round a couple of times with statements about how horrible this was for someone to know 'the truth'. But by being aware, I didn't get caught in the spiral for long and I soon found myself just sat there breathing.

The irony was that I think worrying about someone knowing my flaw/my imperfectiom (as I had done regularly in the past) was bizarrely worse than them actually knowing it or saying it. Being more mindful of the experience put it in perspective and there was a weird sense afterwards in which it was a relief that 'the truth' was out and it wasn't as bad or as terrible as I feared. It occurred to me that I was alive. That I had people who loved me anyway - despite them knowing my weak spot. That I had other things going for me and so in the grand scheme of things this wasn't the be all and end all that my mind can build it up to be.

It is hard to feel 'enough' and this sense of being 'caught out' for not being _______ enough (complete with word that applies to you) can feel debilitating sometimes. What I have learnt is that acknowledging the vulnerability to myself, seeing how it affects me physically and mentally and then talking about it with someone I trust - has made me feel stronger and better able to deal with it. We are all imperfect and we could get highly consumed and stunted by all of the things that we should be/have/feel etc. Ultimately, what is common amongst us all is that we are different, unique, imperfect and once we start talking - we realise that others have their own 'vulnerability spots' and that we are not alone.

Here's to the courage to be ourselves, to 'show up' in life and be imperfect!

One of TED.com's most viewed video: The Power of Vulnerability. It sounds heavy but it is pretty funny and TRUE!

Brene Brown is hilarious. And has a real gift of getting a point across. She is a social researcher and a story teller. She has written a book called 'Daring Greatly' (see other posts) following her TED talk which was watched by 11 million people have watched. TED - stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design and it brings together people from all over the world to share ideas, insights and experiences and then shares the most innovative, engaging, funny, creative, moving talks on their website (for free). And it seems a lot of us are relating greatly to what Brene Brown has discovered through her research about what vulnerability, shame and connection is.

This video has inspired me to be more honest and talk to close friends about what I feel 'shame' about and what makes me vulnerable (which - by the way - has made me feel better and stronger). So I share it with you now.

So let me summarise her talk and some of the points she makes - but please - watch the video (19 mins) because she makes these points in a poignant, hilarious, engaging way that I am absolutely not going to do justice to:

• The difference between those people that have a sense of worthiness, and a strong sense of belonging and those that don't is that the former believe that they are worthy of love and belonging. That feeling of 'belief' is the only thing that separates the two groups.

• The one thing that keeps us from 'connecting' with others is our fear that we are not worthy of connection. That we are not enough.

• We spend a lot of time feeling that we 'are not ________ enough' (fill in the blank). She calls this 'scarcity'. And the way we deal with scarcity - is often to try and numb these feelings or avoid them by eating, medicating, buying things, using our phones...

• The challenge is that we cannot selectively numb. When we numb anxiety, sadness, fear - e also numb happiness, joy and gratitude. 

• In order to connect, we have to be authentic - be ourselves - even if it makes us feel vulnerable. We have to embrace that vulnerability and not push it away. It can lead to creativity, happiness, feeling balanced, feeling connected. 

• We can embrace imperfection. We live in a world now that wants to have perfect children. They are hard wired for challenges because they aren't perfect and instead we need to be helping them deal with things not being perfect. We need to teach them how to deal with challenges, vulnerability, fear, not succeeding. Getting through them is a really valuable skill.

Being mindful - which this blog is all about - is very much about being honest, being 'you', being 'enough', leaning into unpleasant feelings rather than rejecting them. Brene Brown reminds us what vulnerability is, how it shows itself and what it can lead to - and the answer isn't always negative as we imagine - it's tough but it is also the key to connecting to others, to creativity, to authenticity, to courage, to dealing with change and pain.

I have recently spoken several times to close friends about the things that I feel really vulnerable about and about what makes me feel most 'shame'. For years, pretty much forever, I hadn't talked about it and that as Brene Brown says, is how shame derives its power - by being unspeakable. It wasn't as easy as just coming out with it and it has taken one year of engaging in mindfulness (both the practice and the theory) to build up to talking about those things - but once you do - you realise you are not alone, you realise it is liberaing to be honest, and it has left me feeling stronger.

She does a follow up video on 'shame' too. Well worth a watch. For more on her, and vulnerability - see my other blog posts about her book which is also referenced on the 'Resources for You' page.

Being Happier at Work - It's not what you think

When we don't want to do something at work - our tendency may be to do it quickly and pay as little attention as possible, or to do two things at once to tolerate doing the one thing we don't want to do.

Dr Stephen McKenzie challenges this saying that focusing more on what we are doing and only doing that one thing - even if we don't like - can help us to feel more connected to it, see new things we didn't before and we may even enjoy it. You might feel ready to 'gag' at this and dismiss this as wishy washy psychobabble but what if I change the situation and turned it into us needing to do something with a child that we didn't want to do, or with our partner - it's the same principle.

Let's return to the work situation and take an example of making a phone call we don't want to make. Personally, I usually delay it as long as possible and sometimes, it drops off the list for a few days (usually making the situation worse, and me dread it more!). Sometimes I  have to say hard things, and potentially then hear hard things or I know that a call will sometimes lead to a load of work for me to do which I don't feel like or don't enjoy doing. If only work was filled with just the things I like doing!

The point Dr McKenzie makes, which is made by all mindfulness teachers, is that actually deciding to give something 100% of your pay attention can change the experience. Imagine you dial the number and you start thinking - 'I don't want to be doing this', 'don't answer', 'this is going to create me so much work' etc. Your thoughts start jumping from one negative statement to the next. You start checking other emails while dialling to distract you from these negative thoughts. The phone answers. You rush through what you have to say and then dreading the response, you don't fully listen and the whole experience feels stressful. They are bound to have picked up on this too.

What is the alternative? One option would be to commit to just doing that task. Pick up the phone and dial. As negative thoughts come into your head as they are bound to - you just observe that they are there and draw your attention back to the fingers dialling the number (i.e. don't get on that train). You hear it ring. You listen to it ring. You feel the pen in your hand as you prepare to take notes. Your mind wanders to negative thoughts and you bring your mind back to the sound of the dial tone. The person answers. You speak - without rushing - just saying what you inevitably have to say. You then listen to each word the person says back to you. You may hear things that you don't want to hear but you also may hear things you didn't realise before, you may sense something in their tone, you may find ideas, thoughts, conclusions come to you which hadn't come to you before. Either way, the way you approached the call can shift the whole experience. And paying more attention can be better overall than paying less.

Mindfulness isn't anything extraordinary - it's just showing up, paying attention, acknowledging how our minds work and making a choice of whether to focus on their sometimes unhelpful trains of thought or whether to pay attention to other things happening in that moment like the touch of something, the sound, the message someone is trying to get across, the way our body is reacting etc.

Sometimes it feels like 'I don't like to do this and I'm not going to enjoy it and that's just the way it is' but believe it or not there are some choices here - we might not look forward to something but we can more pay attention to thing itself than to our minds telling us that we don't like it or suggesting ways to 'avoid' it - and that might change the way we experience it - it might even take the edge off it or surprise us. Given the alternative, isn't it worth a shot?

For the article follow this link:

http://m.afr.com/p/national/work_space/how_being_mindful_makes_for_happier_PDnauj8loTfGFp6J1c1BNK



 

Acceptance of what is there can gives us choices - aversion can create tension and negativity

The great Sufi poet expresses this in his poem 'The Guest House'. Notice what feeling arises in you when you read it - is it positive, negative or neutral? Do you feel accepting of this idea of 'acceptance' or do you feel an aversion to it as if it is something that you should reject?

'The Guest House'

 This being human is a guest house. 
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing and invite
them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Jalaluddin Rumi, in 'The Essential Rumi', translated by Coleman Barks, 1999

This concept is quite alien to most of us. Why would you 'invite in' any negativity into your life?

The challenge for us all is that negativity is there whether we like it or not - and so, it isn't about trying to magically make negativity disappear - which - let's face it - we sadly don't have the power to do - instead it is about choosing what to do next when that negativity is there. In order to choose - to really make an active choice - we have to accept that it is there - whether it comes from within us or from the outside. This act of 'accepting that it is there' can be scary and unfamiliar but it can also be very powerful. We see it for what it is. We gain more insight into where it comes from. We see the effect it has on us.

Once we accept that it is there - by acknowledging it and observing it - choices open up to us.

What choices are there if we reject the negativity - denial? masking over it? pushing it deeper inside of us so that it doesn't rear its ugly head but comes back to torture us later?

I'll take my chances with 'acceptance' first.

The Serious Risk of Wilful Blindness - Margaret Heffernan on a major human problem

Sometimes, not being mindful can be just plain wrong. This is a poignant short talk about a small town in Montana where a woman was doing work on gas meters and noticed that a lot of middle age men were on oxygen tanks. When her Dad died at a relatively young age, and then her mother died also at a relatively young age she started to wonder why these deaths were happening. She puzzled over this and started investigating vermiculite mine nearby. Vermiculite (we know now) is a very toxic form of asbestos. She started to talk to the community about the link between vermiculite and the deaths but they didn't want to know. Nobody believed her. She kept campaigning until a researcher came to town to research the mine and she told him her story and he eventually checked the facts and realised she was right. The community still didn't believe her and said things like 'the doctors would have told us'.

Eventually she convinced a federal agency to come to town to screeen 15,000. They discovered that the mortality rate of the town in 2002 was 80 times higher than any where else in the United States. Even then, people didn't look at the vermiculite lining the playground where her grandchildren played.

This is what Margaret Heffernan calls wilful blindness. It's not ignorance. It is a legal concept where there is information you should and could know but somehow you haven't learnt it. You have chosen not to know. This is happening all over our society - in businesses, in banking, in the church, in government. In big and small scales. A lot of people know there are problems but they are too afraid to raise them. There is a lot of silence and blindness. People don't talk out of fear, or they don't think it will make a difference or they feel that they will be deemed as 'whistle blowers'. Those that are whistle blowers in fact tend to be loyal, proud, and compelled to act.

This talk is not only a critical reminder about the importance of being mindful, being aware and being honest but it makes a seriously compelling case about the responsibility we all have to not be wilfully blind, to speak out and speak up for the sake of everyone.

When people are dying or being mistreated, we have to act. How can we not?

PS: She talks about the qualities of those who are willing to speak out and I think it is worth highlighting these qualities. They:
- use the freedoms they have
- use the arguments against them to make their arguments stronger and better
- are persistent
- are willing to have a lot of rows with people - they collaborate with their opponents
- are determined not to blind
- are patient
- are ordinary - just like you and me. 

A new tact for encouraging things to go the way you want in life

"A traveller to a small Greek island once watched as a yound boy tried to perusade the family donkey to move. The boy had vegetables to deliver and he'd carefully loaded up the animals's panniers. But the donkey wasn't in the mood for moving. The boy became more and more agitated and started to raise his voice at the donkey, standing in front of him and pulling hard on the rope. The donkey dug in its hooves firmly. Very firmly.

The tug of war might have gone on for a long time if it wasn't for the boy's grandfather. Hearing the commotion, he came out of the hourse and took in the familiar scene at a glance - the unequal battle between donkey and human. Gently, he took the rope from his grandson. Smiling, he said, 'When he's in this mood, try it this way: take the rope loosely in your hand like this, then stand very close beside him, and look down the track in the direction you want to go. Then wait.'

The boy did as his grandfather had bade him, and after a few moments, the donkey started to walk forward. The boy giggled with delight, and the traveller watched as animal and boy trotted off happily, side by side, down the track and round the far bend."

Pg 111-2 Mark Williams, Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World

New Perspective: The 'Importance' of Money

"This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much most of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper; which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy". 

Douglas Adams

All Things Pass - Lessons in Heartbreak

During a meditation retreat, I crawled out of bed at 6.30 to attend the mornings meditation and as my mind woke up, it was slowly overwhelmed by the loss of a great love. I felt very sad. I sat to meditate and let the feeling sit with me, trying to focus on my breathe. Tears rolled down my face as I breathed. I gave myself a 'break' and just let it all be and at the end of the meditation - the teacher read out this poem. I chuckled to myself at its poignancy - the timing was perfect. Heartbreak is hard but all things pass.

All Things Pass - Lao Tzu

All things pass
A sunrise does not last all morning
All things pass
A cloudburst does not last all day
All things pass
Nor a sunset all night
All things pass

What always changes?
Earth...sky...thunder...mountain...water...wind...fire...lake

Do man's visions last?
Do man's illusions?

Take things as they come.

All things pass.